Brave vs Strong

 

I'm learning that there is a difference between being strong and being brave.

A big difference.

I used to think that during our last adventure that Rico was brave and I was strong. But I had it mixed up. 

Being strong means you can withstand pressure and discomfort. Strong means you are capable of surviving. Brick walls are strong, mountains are strong - they don't move, but they can take a beating.

Bravery requires a choice. Brave means something scary or uncomfortable is coming your way and you choose how you will deal with it. 

Strong is DNA. Brave is character.

I can say this with certainty now.

Pretend that you're Mike, scrolling through a dating ap and finding a girl who claims to love road trips, bookstores. Mexican food, musical theater and sarcasm. She confesses to her ADD and PTSD but doesn't mention her problematic genetic material or the congenital cardiac issue, because she just doesn't know. 

Imagine seven months of exactly what this girl promised  - road trips and bookstores, kayaking, dog sleds, late night kisses, more nachos than you thought were possible, and probably more PTSD too.

But then the hammer drops - this girl has way more on her plate than either of you could have possibly known. The girl gives you every option to bail - because hell, you didn't sign up for this, and she sure didn't want this for you.

And instead of leaving - you choose BRAVE. Brave with a capital B.

You choose to be at every appointment. You choose to schedule your work around her procedures. You choose to hold her tighter when she insists she doesn't deserve you. You choose to learn to wash her hair and do her skin care routine for her because she cant move her own arms. You choose to learn what drains are and how to measure them and who to call when there is unexpected pain in the middle of the night. You choose to set your alarm every four hours so she never misses her meds. You choose to pick her kid up from school because she can't. You choose to hold her while she scream cries in the shower because nothing is how anyone said it would be. You choose to kiss her just like you did the first time and tell her every day that she is beautiful even when she looks like she's been attacked by a shiver of sharks. You choose love as the only way through this, because you know there is no way around it.

That is what brave looks like. This is Mike. That is who is sitting next to me right now. 

I am not the brave one. The brave ones are all around me making their decisions. The bravery I see around me is astounding.

Noah who inspires and protects his students every day, and then comes home at night to see what I need and to give me hugs.

Kaia, who is over 1000 miles from everyone she loves the most, venturing into prisons and classrooms, and long dissertation studies - surviving on phone calls and face times from the people she needs comfort from the most.

Nika - oh my GOD Nika, who tackles school and extra curriculars by braving every day of her life with an anxiety none of us has ever known. This is coupled with the very real fear of fatal illnesses stealing everyone who is supposed to shelter her. She decides that I come home to fresh Nutella cookies and never go for a walk alone.

My dancers who send me sweet texts and videos of choreography I'm not there to clean. I see it in Tamsen who is finishing everything I started. I see it in my past dancers who text me out of the blue when it would likely be so much easier for them to not.

My friends who are willing to talk about the hard things when I need to, and willing to stop talking about them because I also need that.

My brother; Rico's friends and family; Jason and Chelsea; our neighbors; the girl chat and their emoji check ins; our Aquatennial family who chooses to keep Kaia close even when she is so far away; Mike's kids; his parents and extended family; everyone who has sent a card or soup or plans to; everyone who asks Nika to hang out and do something normal for a change; Nick; all of you reading this and caring about what happens to our tiny family - you're all choosing this - you're brave.

I will keep being strong, but if you guys could hold up the brave end for us for just a while longer, I'd be crazy grateful.