four days out

Technically I'm not supposed to be typing this I'm supposed to be resting my useless arms like a T-rex, but technically I wasn't supposed to need a double mastectomy, so here we are.

First of all - THANK YOU - for the cookies, the meals, the cards, the rides, the LOVE. If you're reading this, we love you and having you in our lives is the ultimate gift.

My surgery was on March 17th. We arrived at 6:30 am. I was pacing and swing dancing in the OR staging room until it was finally time to go at 10:20. I texted my kids "I love you" no less than 7 times - roughly two more than if I was making a Target run and only one more than when I'm flying on an airplane or having a dental procedure.

The surgeons said I "did great".

Friends, I wasn't doing jack squat, except sucking up that gas and making wisecracks until the anesthesia knocked me out. 

Also this photo is 6 hours post-surgery when I was hopped up on oxy-something-or-other; an IV block; hospital grade Tylenol; nausea meds; whatever good shit was was left after the filming of Cocaine Bear; last nights' nachos; and literally no self awareness about anything.

Nothing has looked like that since.

Here's how it started vs how it's going:

December: You have a miniscule area of concern - a blip on the radar - might be nothing. (Me - take them off anyway, better safe than sorry)

Late December: OK, well it's not nothing, but it's tiny and just in one side. (Me - take them off anyway, better safe than sorry)

January:  OK, actually there are a couple of areas, and just on one side (Me - take them off anyway, better safe than sorry)

Late January: Actually maybe a little on both sides, but you can wait on the left (Me - take them off anyway, better safe than sorry)

February: It's probably overkill, because theres nothing in the lymph nodes, but if you want a double we can do that (Me - take them off anyway, better safe than sorry)

March: Four hours after an "overkill double mastectomy", actually it is in the lymph nodes (Me - oh really, imagine that)

It still seems treatable, but that whole, "this is no big deal, you might not even need radiation or chemo" schtick is off the table. Three lymph nodes clear, but it's in at least one - so we're not done yet. I also have a pretty painful complication. I'll spare you the explicit details, but lets just say at least once a day, the air pressure in my chest cavity is changed so drastically that it feels like 15 minutes of the worst pain I've ever known. They say they can fix that in about a week. Let's hope. In the meantime I'm going for walks in front of the house as often as I can, and taking the longest naps ever.

Thanks again for inviting our kids over to hang out - they really need it; for making us cookies and bringing them over when they're still warm; for checking in on all of us with texts that say "only respond if you need something"; for loving us while we're completely incapable of doing anything to show our gratitude.

I don't know who is supporting the rest of the world out there - because we seem to have the very best people all in our corner.

Tons of love from all of us.