when you think you're helping

So many well meaning people are reaching out to add beauty to what my brother loving refers to as a g-damn Greek Tragedy. Most of them are helpful -some of them just adding to the tragedy . . . 

My brother - my brother whom I love dearly - my brother who has been busy fixing cars, and calling insurance people, and basically doing whatever needs to be done all week, was sent on an errand. We thought it was pretty basic errand. We just needed him to check on some out of town vehicle stuff for us. He's a vehicle expert - how hard could this be?

I will preface this by saying that Rico has had some difficult interactions with a particular salesperson at a particular place, and may have given this salesperson a less than complimentary nickname. He may have also mentioned this nickname to Devin when he gave him directions. 

This was a big mistake.

An hour later, Devin comes back to the house. I meet him outside and ask how it went. This is how the conversation goes:

"So did you get it figured out?"

"Yeah, it wasn't as complicated as you thought it was."

"OK, thanks."

"No problem, I just went in and a salesman came up to me and I explained my situation with Rico and you and then I said, 'All I know is that I needed to come here and find Fat Jacob."

I pause here, because although I know my brother says stupid things to make me laugh all of the time, something about the way he carries on with the story concerns me just a bit. "You did not," I say.

"What?"

"You did not ask to talk to 'Fat' Jacob."

He looks me dead in the eye and says, "Yeah I did."

"You did not."

"Um, yes I did."

At this point I see the panic in his eyes. He sees the panic in mine. "NO!" I say, "You did NOT!" (my face looks like this)

"YES!" he says, "Yes, yes I did - WTF? You said that was his NAME!"

"NO! NO, I did NOT say that was his name! Rico referred to him as that, because he was mad at him."

"WHAT the HELL?! I thought it was like a New York thing - like Fat Tony or something."

"Who the hell would call somebody FAT anything? We don't live in the 1940's mob! I can't BE-LEIVE YOU!"

"Believe ME? You're the one who's sent me out all week to look for with 'Volvo Dave' and 'Next Door Tom' and "Investment Jon' and 'Lawn Mower Guy' and  'Cinnamon Roll Lori'. But I'm supposed to believe that 'Fat Jacob' is implausible?!'

"YES! Yes you are supposed to believe that, because any normal, sane person would believe that! It's an honor to be 'Cinnamon Roll Lori'! 'Fat Jacob is pejorative, it was something a man with a sixth of his brain missing said in a moment of anger  - it had nothing to do with his actual size- what the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Well buckle up sis, because the story doesn't stop there."

Where - where could this possibly go? But it's Devin, so by now my face looks like this.

He continues, "So the sales person chuckles at me and says, 'I'll go find Jacob', at which point he brings a guy over with a name tag that says 'Jacob'."

"No Devin - NO. NO. NO."

"This is not my fault. So anyway, Jacob comes to talk to me and asks how he can help me, says he's knows Rick really well. Now this guy isn't very big, so I'm thinking this cannot possibly be the dude, so I tell him thanks but I am actually here to see FAT Jacob. I thought there were two."

"And then you realized,"

"No - no I never realized - I just noticed that nobody else was using it in the office so I thought I should drop the 'fat' part."

"When did you figure this out?"

"Just now! Just now when you told me. I thought that was his NAME!"

"WHAT the HELL!"

"Yeah, I mean, in light of this, I don't think he's gonna take your car back."