Tuesday, March 21, 2017


There is not much to say right now. Life seems to be barreling along, despite the fact that we aren't really ready for it.

It was less than a year ago that we were preparing for Rico's surgery. We are better - all of us, but we are not quite "back to normal" though the rest of the world seems to be. There are mobility issues, pain management issues, anxiety issues, therapy issues, - lots and lots of freaking issues. Nothing we can't handle, and yet, we are still not quite ready to jump back into the world full force. We need time to recoup, recover, brace ourselves for scans, therapy and getting used to life again.

It feels wrong.

It feels like we should be tackling life, running around paying back all of those kind things the world was doing for us, but the truth is - we're exhausted. I wish it weren't true, and I know it won't always be - but for now, it is what it is.

Thursday, March 9, 2017


It's been a rough month.

It finally feels like we can share what we're worried about - only because we've been reassured 47 times not to be worried about it.

When Rico has his last bout of illness - the pink eye, the coughs, the sore throat -  his fevers were cyclical, and his night sweats were back. If you've been with us for a while - you'll remember - that's how this whole nightmare began.

We knew the flu was going around. We knew everybody in town was getting sick. But we also knew the reality of what these things could mean.

So we cried and we waited and we didn't sleep and we didn't say much. We just lived in a little hollow of hope - praying this time was different.

It was.

Mayo says that his scans were so clean last time there is no way these symptoms would present this quickly. His cough is gone - the fevers too.

For today things are back to "normal": he's all dressed up and off to a meeting; we're balancing work and school activities; we're helping Punk make college plans; our summer agenda is starting to come together. For now, we feel steady. I think life will always feel like a bit like a balance beam, but maybe we are all becoming better gymnasts.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

rock and roll

Lately it's been our whole lives.

Eat, sleep, work, rock and roll.

Both big kids are in a big rock and roll review at the high school. I've helped a little with costumes, Tiny has helped a little with costumes, Rico has helped a lot with rides, and love and making sure people eat.

Punk has the lead in Love Shack, sings back up in the opening number and serves as comedic relief and back up dancing.   Kooka sings back up as well, is also a back up dancer and is one of a group of featured dancers that go for three songs straight. They're busy, exhausted, but happy.

Punk says this is the perfect "capstone" to his high school performing career. He's not going out for the spring play in lieu of doing some job hunting.

It makes me cry a little every day. It's not just his last high school performance, it's the last time I will listen to him obsessively rehearse his part in his room, the last time I'll host his friends for a cast party, the last time he'll run into the living room and say, "How does this sound?" It's the last time I'll watch some of these kids on stage - some of these kids that I've worked with and watched and loved since they were in third grade.

I'm depressing myself - so I'll stop now. But seriously, how could you not miss this?:

Punk and one of my favorite Pinnacle kids Anna - leading "Love Shack"
Kooka in "You Keep Me Hanging On"

Kooka in red and her Pinnacle sister Rachel in the closer.

Punk and one of his best friends partnering up for a disco dance in "Shake Your Groove Thing."

This is the first girl Punk ever had a play date with. Granted, they were two weeks old and in baby buckets - but still.

I can't hear you.