Dear Rico

Dear Rico, 

There’s been a lot of talk lately about how difficult life is right now - how hard it must be for you, for our family. But I want to flip the script. I want  you to know - want the world to know, how “not hard” it is to love you.

Yes, seeing someone I love struggle like this is difficult, but not nearly as heartbreaking as the alternative.

Never having found you would have been worse.

Not being the one to hold your hand when the surgeon sharpies up your leg would have been worse.

Knowing you exist, and not being the person who gets to divide pills and kiss your head and remind you to drink water  - that would have been worse. It was my greatest fear for a very long time.

I am so grateful for you - for everything this journey through life with you brings us. Of course I love the big things like watching dolphins on the Key, marrying you in the cardiac ward of the hospital, visiting our childhood homes with our own kids, but it’s the little things, the every day moments that make life with you so sweet, so beautiful.

I love the sound of your voice when you’re ordering pallets of espresso beans.

I love our car lunch dates, when you don’t even make me leave the van, and we just hang out and talk so we don’t have to run into anybody but each other. I love that you accuse me of eating all of the fries, but never actually finish your own.

I love how much you love our kids, how you make their events, their education, their lives a priority.

I love the way I can’t fall asleep at night without my leg touching yours - even though it’s your bad leg and you can’t always feel it.

I love walking with our fingers intertwined and they perfect way they fit together.

I love that every night ends with laughter, and the ones that don’t at least end with hugs.

I love that you are brave - even when you don’t want to be.

I love how much you love family dinners.

I love how you dance with me in the living room when everyone else is asleep.

I love our road trips and how excited you get over the little things and how you seem to know exactly which new foods, and places and people I will love, and always take time to introduce me to them.

I love your laugh.

I love that you let me wear your unwashed t-shirts when you’re gone, just so I can feel close to you.

I love you Rico. I love everything about you. Being with you when you are sick is not a sacrifice- it’s a gift to be able to love you, and wake up next to you, and hear your jokes and fears and whatever you read about on Yahoo today. Every single moment with you is like breathing in all of the best parts of life - however scary or funny or sad or lovely they may be - every day with you is the best day ever.

Love, 

James