living

For a while I wasn't sure what we were doing exactly.

We were surviving. We have a lot of experience with this whole surviving thing. We know how to clean surfaces, take shelter at home, watch out for each other. We are the masters of aggressively resting - because you never know when you'll need that extra energy.

This ain't our first rodeo with trying to keep deadly germs at bay. We know how to survive.

But we haven't been living.

So we've been working on that.

In our house there has been a lot of talk about what we are missing - Kooka in particular. No denying it - prom, graduation, her senior dance recital, final choir concerts, lock-ins, academic awards night, her entire summer of being crowned ambassador of our town. She's missing out - and we are missing out with her. Our hearts are breaking too.

Punk is missing time with his college friends, missing practicum time teaching that he will have to make up. Tiny is missing the last year at her old school before they pack up and move it to a new building. She's missing her recital, her very first orchestra concert, birthday parties and field trips. Everybody is missing something.

But those things are gone. They are completely out of our control. My concern lately is that we will wallow in what's missing and lose our NOW. I'm afraid that virtual ceremonies are replacements for what was "supposed to happen". Visiting the zoo is how things "used to be". Playing with friends is what "I can't do any more."

I mean honestly, our NOW isn't what any of us planned for, but it's still life, it's still here, we still have each other, and dammit, I want us to remember how things ARE right now - and I want those things to be beautiful.

We started with showcase day. Typically it's a full day event for our recital, so this was a full day event too. Kooka woke up to 73 pinwheels in our yard - one for every dance she's performed at our showcases since the 3rd grade (we didn't have room for the music she performed, or the things she's done on other stages - so we had to draw the line). Her favorite dance costumes were hanging on a line, and a sign explained to the whole neighborhood exactly how much she means to our studio. Then we went to drop off costumes and have front porch visits with our students. Noah helped us edit it into a video to share with the studio.

The next day, Kooka's choir teacher dropped by for a visit. We love this guy. He's been an incredible source of love and support to both N and K throughout high school. Kooka has been his TA and choir secretary for two years, so he's her favorite teacher by far. He made stops at every senior's house bringing flowers and personal notes for each kid. He and Kooka took a picture in the pinwheels and it's my favorite.

Monday was prom. A mini prom. A backyard prom.
But not an instead of prom.
We took pictures in the Japanese garden. Kooka and three of her best friends came to our backyard for a four course meal of appetizers, salad, shrimp alfredo, roasted bacon brussell sprouts and a dessert tray all served on great-grandma Leora's china. There was hugging and dancing and more photos and a bonfire, and nobody really cared that it was Monday so they stayed up until 2 in the morning. The girls wore their dresses, had wrist corsages and the guys gallantly gave up their jackets when the night got a little chilly.  I have no idea what they did if they needed to pee because nobody came into our house the entire time.

(And because we also take surviving seriously they all went home and showered and mouthwashed and all of that other stuff ). We know the world is different now. We are still wearing masks, and distancing almost always. We'll keep looking out for each other, but we are also looking for new ways to LIVE through this, not just survive. Time is precious, even time that looks different from what we expected. I want us to make the most of it.

Birthdays are coming up. Big ones - 21, 18 and 10. Those are huge milestones. I'm not sure how we'll celebrate yet, but I'm ready for suggestions.