what goes around

The flip flop necklace is around my neck again. If you know you know. 

It's been my touchstone reminder that things won't always be like this, that life changes, and that the world won't always feel so brittle or scary. My best friend from elementary school sent it to me when Rico was first diagnosed with sarcoma. Lately, it’s been comforting again. 

Our family had decided that we would leave this information on the down-low until the burden of keeping it to ourselves outweighed the need to share, and that time seems to be now. 

As some of you may know I've been dealing with a congenital heart issue that created some aggravating health complications. I never knew I had a hole in my heart, or that it had messed with my brain until Dr. Jane, a neurologist and a cardiologist, helped diagnose it this fall. I was due to have surgery to close the hole on the third of this month, but per usual in our household - nothing goes according to plan. 

A recent a biopsy confirmed that I also have breast cancer. We are in the process of sorting through treatment options, so don't have much more to tell, but will update the blog for those who are interested. 

I apologize for my vague responses to those who’ve asked about my health. To be honest, it's been a lot to process and I'm not even sure which direction I'm headed some days. My first thought is to move from this house and whatever god-forsaken Poltergeist burial ground is brewing underneath it. But we like the neighbors, and I just repainted the guest room, so I guess we’ll stay for now. 

As I'm sure you can imagine, our kids are struggling. There will never be enough time to recover from Rico's situation, but three years seems like an unfairly short time period for kids to catch their breath. If you see them, please give them all the love you can. 

If you see Mike, hug him hard too. He's been holding me up with both hands and his whole heart. 

Despite the news, we’re feeling pretty lucky. All the kids have been home together for the holidays, and Kaia and I are sitting at the coffee shop while I write this. We just wrapped up our 50th state in November and are feeling ready to tackle this next adventure as best we can. 

 Lots of love, J

Kaia - "Pretty sure you were the only person pulling up to their biopsy with this energy today"