When I announced I was pregnant with Punk, one of my junior high dancers shouted for the whole class to hear "WHAT?! You can't have a baby! How are YOU gonna know how to raise a kid?"
I thought for a minute, before answering her. "It can't be that hard - it's just like raising the dog. You tell it where to eat, where to poop, what it can chew on and make sure it learns the word 'no'."
I sort of meant it.
Which I think she figured out, because the look on her face was one of utter horror when she replied, "You should not be allowed to take that baby home." She's probably the one who brought snausages to the baby shower.
Maybe she was right. But the breeder had let me take the german shepherd home, and anyone who ever met that dog can tell you - she was impeccably trained. I just want to make sure the kids turn out half as well . . . but today, I may have taken it a step too far.
I was shopping in Target with Yoda. She'll be taking her very first flight soon, and I wanted to find some things to keep her busy on the plane. Nothing we found in the baby aisle garnered more than a raspberry and an immediate toss to the floor, so I resigned myself to the fact that I would just have to buy earplugs and Nyquil for myself and the 15 passengers sitting in the immediate vicinity
But then I saw it.
A red, rubber, bouncy toy that the dog used to love. Was it possible? Could I get that lucky twice?
I took Yoda into the pet food aisle and handed her a puppy sized kong. She immediately stuffed it into her mouth and began to gnaw. I was thrilled and mortified all at the same time. I threw it into the cart and then took it out again. What if our pediatrician came walking down the aisle, or a PETA representative?
But Yoda didn't want to leave. She loved the meat-scented rubber chicken, and tug-of-war rope. She reached for the frisbees and the teething bone. I was almost disgusted with myself for even starting this - but then I looked at the prices. The fleecey-ropey-octopus toy she fell in love with was $2.99. They'd be selling this thing on Chinaberry for $24. She was also groovin' on the $2.50 wiggly fish. Pretty sure Babies-R-Us would charge me twelve bucks for it.
So I bought them both.
But if you see Yoda chomping on a milkbone, or Kooka pulling Beggin Strips out of her lunch box - stop me.