the bucket list

Have you seen it?  It's the one where Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman take off on an extended adventure to cross off everything on life's "to-do" list.

Against my better sensibilities, Rico and I watched it last week.  Within two hours I was reduced to a puddle of emotional wreckage.

Most likely, it has something to do with my upbringing - or maybe everything to do with my upbringing, but movies like that - Steel Magnolias, Terms of Endearment, My Life - they all leave me with an overwhelming burden of desperate, urgency that lingers for days - sometimes weeks.  I start to wonder what was on my Mom's bucket list - she was only 28.  What was on my grandma's - she was barely 60.  And what was on my own. 

We talked about it as a family the other night - what we would do - how we would spend our time if we knew it was severely limited.

Rico would fly an ultralight plane.

Kooka would star in a movie or have a song on the radio.

Punk would want to ride in an old, abandoned mine like Indiana Jones.

And me?

Well, I sort of surprised myself.  Because, I only had two biggies - one already accomplished, and the other will be in a few weeks.

I've wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember.  Even when MY mom asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say to her - "Stop asking me that!  I just want to be a mommy OK!"  And here I am, 3 kids later with my only real wish already crossed off the list.  But Rico pushed the issue, until I finally realized the answer.

I would want to spend my time helping the four of them fill their buckets.  Nothing makes me happier.  So for now - here is my list:

- Watch Rico fly (and land) and ultralight plane
- Watch Kooka perform a song she's written (she's got quite a few)
- Hear Yoda say "mama" with some conviction
- Hold the Sunday paper with Punk's first comic published inside (as we plunged through an abandoned mine shaft)

I'm sure there will be more dreams, more wishes - but for now, my bucket's already pretty full.


Treats said…
Bucket lists make me nervous. So would flying an ultra-light and riding in a mine shaft. I've always known that what I want most in life is to be a Mom as well. You are an awesome one, J.