Tuesday, May 17, 2011

the bucket list

Have you seen it?  It's the one where Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman take off on an extended adventure to cross off everything on life's "to-do" list.

Against my better sensibilities, Rico and I watched it last week.  Within two hours I was reduced to a puddle of emotional wreckage.

Most likely, it has something to do with my upbringing - or maybe everything to do with my upbringing, but movies like that - Steel Magnolias, Terms of Endearment, My Life - they all leave me with an overwhelming burden of desperate, urgency that lingers for days - sometimes weeks.  I start to wonder what was on my Mom's bucket list - she was only 28.  What was on my grandma's - she was barely 60.  And what was on my own. 

We talked about it as a family the other night - what we would do - how we would spend our time if we knew it was severely limited.

Rico would fly an ultralight plane.

Kooka would star in a movie or have a song on the radio.

Punk would want to ride in an old, abandoned mine like Indiana Jones.

And me?

Well, I sort of surprised myself.  Because, I only had two biggies - one already accomplished, and the other will be in a few weeks.

I've wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember.  Even when MY mom asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say to her - "Stop asking me that!  I just want to be a mommy OK!"  And here I am, 3 kids later with my only real wish already crossed off the list.  But Rico pushed the issue, until I finally realized the answer.

I would want to spend my time helping the four of them fill their buckets.  Nothing makes me happier.  So for now - here is my list:

- Watch Rico fly (and land) and ultralight plane
- Watch Kooka perform a song she's written (she's got quite a few)
- Hear Yoda say "mama" with some conviction
- Hold the Sunday paper with Punk's first comic published inside (as we plunged through an abandoned mine shaft)

I'm sure there will be more dreams, more wishes - but for now, my bucket's already pretty full.

1 comment:

Treats said...

Bucket lists make me nervous. So would flying an ultra-light and riding in a mine shaft. I've always known that what I want most in life is to be a Mom as well. You are an awesome one, J.