Friday, February 17, 2017

can we not?

While perusing sites for Punk's graduation announcements, I found approximately one dozen layouts and promotions for kindergarten graduation. Lest you think I exaggerate, I've included just some for your enjoyment.


This one denotes the academy conferring the kid's diploma. Because aren't we all curious about which school has executed the daunting task of preparing her for the rigors of "East Prairie Institute of Pre-prep Preparatory Junior Elementary School"?

Ahhhhhh - just another way in which I have grossly neglected my children.

I did not send out embossed photos of my children graduating from diapers, mastering their times tables, or finally acquiring the skills to load the dishwasher without stabbing themselves with the steak knives. I didn't notify the printers when they sang the alphabet song for the first time, or when they realized that "elemenopee" is actually 5 letters - not one. I didn't tell anybody about the first time they shampooed their own hair, or plugged in a vacuum without electrocuting anybody. I didn't announce the first time they picked up all of the dog poop in the front yard without me triple checking it. 

I mean I just assumed we were alllllllll doing this.  I thought it was a parenting standard - like in the national guidebook or something.

Kindergarten is important - don't get me wrong, but can we all get on the same page here?

I feel like I've missed something. When did this become a thing? And can it not be? Because between you and I, ain't nobody got time for that. I'm too busy posting videos of them getting their wisdom teeth taken out and getting slapped in the face by stingrays (because - you know - that $#!+'s funny).

2 comments:

Treats said...

You also missed 5th grade graduation and 8th grade graduation....

j said...

Thanks. I'll just book their therapists now.