Hard is hard
Mentally though . . .
Can we talk about what "difficult" means?
Like seriously.
Does it mean spending 18 waking hours with a clingy toddler? Or does it mean worrying about where your family's next meal is coming from?
Does it mean job insecurity? Or does it mean trying to help your fourth grader with common core math?
Does it mean trying not to cry when everybody posts their 20 year-old senior pictures on Facebook, knowing that you won't get to celebrate in the same way that others have for decades? Or does it mean losing your father and not even being able to say goodbye or hold a funeral because the rules around quarantine are so absolute?
Clearly, if we're ranking them, most of us would agree that there is probably a hierarchy. But a hierarchy does not erase grief. Grief is real. It is personal, and comparing suffering doesn't do a whole lot of anything for anybody.
Yes we should be thankful for what we have, and most of us are, but let's be honest - knowing that the water is off in the building next door, does not make my kid feel less thirsty.
Hearing that someone else has been laid off, does not ease the worry for others about how they will support their own families.
Seeing a well-meaning "hold your babies tight, this too shall pass" post on FB, will not keep a burnt-out parent of preschoolers from occasionally wanting to tear their hair out.
My own mom and grandparents dying of cancer did not make Rico's struggles less difficult.
Hard is hard.
Your hard is hard.
My hard is hard.
Something being more hard for you does not make my life easier.
Something being extra difficult for me, does not ease your burden.
So how's about we back off Justin Timberlake when he says 24 hour parenting is hard?
It is.
Yes he presumably has a comfortable lifestyle, food to eat, a roof over his head and some financial stability, but he's emotionally drained, and he's allowed to feel it.
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL HOW YOU FEEL.
One more time for the people in the back.
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL HOW YOU FEEL.
Period.
Not only are you allowed - you can't help it (at least 3 of my therapists have confirmed this). You can't help how you feel and you shouldn't be criticized for sharing it. We all need to share this load right now, and venting often make things better.
So let's clarify:
You can't help how you feel, but you CAN help how you act.
Feel afraid? Wanna blog about it?
It's OK
Run out to purchase 12 canisters of Clorox Wipes to protect yourself leaving others vulnerable - not OK.
Feel Bored? Binge watch all of Tiger King in one day?
That's cool.
Adopt a bunch of strays and start a dogfight ring in your backyard - not cool.
Feel happy? Want to paint rainbows on your sidewalk, and your toenails, and your cat?
That's wonderful!
Preaching toxic positivity and reminding everyone that "life is what you make it" and "happiness is always a choice"?
Please don't.
We are all responsible for how we behave, and honestly, I think we're all doing the best we can at the moment. But, we cannot help how this insane situation is making us feel. Life is different for all of us - and that is stressful no matter who you are or where you come from.
Hard is hard - and that's ok.
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