a good day

 

Hey y'all, thanks for hanging in there with us - it's been a week.

Waiting is hard for me. I pace a lot - even in the doctor's office - even when she's talking to me. I've apologized profusely, and she assured me it's no big deal, but today was a lot of pacing.

First was oncology who said that due to my oncotype, she is not recommending traditional chemo right now. There will still be AI therapy, Zoladex implants and radiation or proton beam therapy. 

Everyone is hoping insurance pays for the protons. Proton machines are pretty rare - apparently they cost eleventy jillion dollars, are assembled by aliens and run by Darth Vader  - so getting scheduled can take a while and your appointments are 5 days on two days off at anytime between 6:45 am and midnight. On the up side they are more accurate, and don't leave residual exit radiation, which would protect my heart and lungs a bit more. Which is good because . . . 

As soon as oncology mentioned that we may not need chemo, cardiology was ringing me up, asking to schedule that heart surgery. When I mentioned I still had radiation to deal with - he asked how long, and said he'd set me up for after that. 

But the best news of all is that my post op PA said I was "mostly a good listener" and can now stop wearing compression, and start to use my arms again.  She said I still have weeks of healing, but that my closures look "pristine". 

I took a look for myself and am wondering how many "not pristine" jobs this lady has seen, because I look like Sid from Toy Story got a hold of a Dollar Tree Barbie and a soldering gun. 

Having said that.  . . . I don't care.

I'm actually surprised at how very little I miss boobs. Granted, the sleeves on all of my clothes are all way too long, and I have weird electrical jolts where I used to have a decent rack, but honestly - I'm so glad they're gone. Aside from the fact that they were trying to kill me, I lost 17 pounds in three days. My ribs have moved back into place. I can stand up without back pain. No more underwire digging into me. I can wear almost any shirt I want now (they might not look as good, but at least they fit). I realize that not everybody feels this way, and I'm sure I'll have days when I don't either, but for now I'm just vibing in old sweatshirts and yoga pants living my comfiest life.

Big huge appointments next week to schedule protons and drugs and heart stuff, but for the moment, we get a breath. Thanks for the love you keep sending.