strong independent women




It’s not easy to ask for help.

For some people it’s not even easy to accept it when it’s offered.

Not for ME of course, just for some other people I know.

Wait, actually, that is me we’re talking about. It’s totally me. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s because I had to be self-sufficient at a relatively early age, maybe I’m just wired that way, maybe I feel like we are soaking up more than our share of generosity and love and goodness, and it freaks me out. Who knows the reasons, but it’s hard - reallllllllly hard.

So when Tiny’s teacher offered to bring us dinner tonight so I wouldn’t have to juggle a meal, and picking up Rico, and bath night, and getting Kooka to school, I almost said no. I had actually typed out “We’re good for tonight, but thank you so much.” I was hitting send when Tiny asked me what I was doing. I told her, and she asked, “Why don’t you let her do it?”

It wasn’t a flippant question -  no attitude, no eye roll,  no “OMG mom get over yourself” it was a real question. She sat on the couch and waited.  She really wanted to know, “Why is it not OK for her to help you?”

You know those parenting moments when you want to have the right thing to say, but you’ve got nothing, and you realize that this moment might have more weight than you’re giving it, but also that you’re being schooled by your own kid. At the same time THEY don’t know they’re schooling you and they still think you’re a freaking emotional genius, so you just stand there clicking your tongue and gasping like a goldfish for words, and finding none, you finally just say, “You’re right. It is OK to let people help you.”

It’s OK.

So I said yes. 
Well Tiny said yes, but I pushed the buttons.

Fifteen minutes later Kooka was making pancakes for us, and I asked if she needed a hand. She gave me side-eye and said, “Ummmm I think I’ve got a this, I’m a strong independent woman.”

Clearly she was joking. Clearly she is capable of handling a half a batch of pancakes without my intervention, but it stopped me. It stopped all of us, because we knew.

For the past four days, it has been just us, just the girls. We’ve paid the credit card bills, disposed of a dead chipmonk, relocated our favorite guy to two different hospitals, taken a tree frog from out of the house, rehomed two toads, packed and had ourselves to his bedside at Mayo in 90 minutes, dismantled a portion of our back steps, dispatched two solicitors and baked homemade muffins for breakfast. None of it is as fun without a Rico, but we did it. We are capable. We are strong.

But we are not strong because we are independent. We are strong because we have each other.  We are strong because of the people this world has shared with us. We are strong because one of us had the good sense to say, “Mom, I’m starving. Please let someone bring me a taco.” 

I know there is strength in numbers. I know there is power in community. I know this is true. I know that a net is stronger than a single thread. I know a pack is stronger than a lone wolf. But it’s still tough.

We brought Rico home today, and for right now we feel whole. Well not totally, because Noah is not here, but as whole as anybody else could hope to feel. Tonight we feel strong, but not independent. Tonight we will eat dinner together because the strongest woman in the house was able to accept some help. (She was also the only one who could re-home the toads because  - ew toads). Maybe someday I can be like her.

Comments

Treats said…
We are strong because we are interdependent, not independent. That whole "independent" thing is kind of a crock. Just say yes! And, did you really say "you re-homed two frogs"?!?
rylini said…
uhhh - I really said Tiny re-homed two toads. I did manage to get the tree frog out of our house - but tree frogs are cute. In other news, Kooka screamed at a string because it looked like a snake.