baby clothes

Oh please, please, please put this on my non-existent baby registry.

Yesterday, as I sipped my mocha and strolled through an unnamed store looking for yard furniture, I stumbled onto a section of baby clothing. Don't ask what the onsies were doing right next to the garden gnomes - it was just that kind of place.

But I digress.

I could not believe the sheer volume of baby camo that is available in the state of Minnesota. It's true - there were at least four racks of it. There was digitized army camo - in case your baby is deployed to the desert, oak leaf camo - perfect for leaving your baby in a decaying pile of forest compost while you stalk a 10 point buck, and even toddler-sized camo backpacks - in case your 18 month old is planning to ambush a government building and needs to lie low in the woods for a few hours with his pipe bomb equipment.

For real?!

Who needs to camouflage their baby? I had enough trouble trying to find mine half the time!

And I can't begin to fathom what this little dress means. It's for a 6 month old, and in case it's tough to read, says, "Daddy's Little Deer." What?! I get the whole play on words thing - but what is it really trying to say? Because let's not forget that anyone who buys this for their kid is the type of person who will, after consuming copious amounts of Schlitz Malt Liquor, spend hours crouched in a tree during a bitter Minnesota winter, just for the opportunity to pop a cap in said "deer." Might as well just paint a bullseye on the back of this thing, and call the taxidermist now.

Unless you hear that baby Yoda is up for a role in "The Hunted 2" - there's really no need to give us one of these - ever - no really - I mean it.