update

 My apologies for the updates. I know there is so much love out there for Rico, and we really do want to keep you in the loop, but it's just been such a busy time.

Today marks two weeks since we kissed Rico goodbye and sent him off to surgery. Had I known, had he known what these weeks would feel like, I suspect they would have had to surgically remove me before they could attack the cancer.

Health-wise he seems to be doing about as well as someone with incurable brain cancer can be. He can chew, swallow, estimate the cost of a 2012 minivan, raise both arms at least 90 degrees and continue to entertain his PCA's and nurses with his numerous requests, such as,  "Parker, I've just checked the earnings for Mayo, and it seems we pulled in about 20 million dollars yesterday. Do think anywhere in that budget we might be able to find a nail clipper? I realize I may need to pay seventeen dollars for it, but in light of my situation, my options are limited."

He's bummed that Mayo doesn't subscribe to True TV, which means there are no Impractical Jokers and he has to fall asleep to "Nailed It". He misses real food, and loves when we come to cuddle in bed so he can take a nap.

So many things are just like they always were.

But so many are not.

Perhaps it was naive of us to take what was said at face value. Maybe we didn't really think it through. All we heard was, "This recovery should actually be much easier than the Sarcoma surgery." Of course there were obvious disclaimers about surgical risks and limitations - I was prepared for that. I was not prepared for what happened.

He is still Rico. But everything that makes him Rico is magnified - everything about him is more. He is more gregarious; more loving; more likely to meander during a conversation; more inclined to not want to be alone.

When we add vision loss; confusion when he's fatigued; headaches and hours of therapy which remind him of all the things he can't do yet into the mix - well, I'll just say he's struggling to know if this is his new reality. We all assumed we'd get the same guy back. He misses the guy he knows he is inside. He's struggling.

Some of these things should get better as neurons begin to rewire, but some of this looks like it is here to stay. We just keep waiting, and hoping.

Today he was taken in for an ultrasound for DVT in both legs. It was precautionary, but necessary. He has been having headaches whenever he tries new things in PT and also has intermittent fevers. The fevers don't bother him at all, and could quite honestly be because he insists on sleeping in a sweatshirt with flannel sheets, a fleece quilt and a handmade flannel quilt. We should get some answers tomorrow. 

Thanks for hanging in there with us.