Wednesday, April 6, 2011

day 3 (because spring break in orlando isn't humiliating enough)


It's true.
There are few things more embarrassing than being in Orlando over spring break.

Day three found us at Universal Studios Islands of Adventure - the only place in the world that is actually designed to force you into confronting your own geekiness.

Apparently everyone under the age of 28 received some sort of exclusive manual on how not to look like an absolute fool at this place.

They are all dressed in tube tops and hot pants (not that they all should be if you know what I'm saying - but still, my quick-dry T-shirt and hiking sandals, practically scream Saturday Night Live skit).

And they all know exactly when to smile, or flash the peace sign, or moon the world or whatever when the camera goes off on those ride photos.  I always look like a terrified Joan Rivers caught in a wind shear.  I didn't pay $15 for those when I looked good in them - not gonna start now - no matter how much Punk begs.


Then there's the fact that I am a full-grown-adult headed to Harry Potter's Hogsmeade Village.  If that don't make you shout "dork", then the fact that I'm wearing a green plastic poncho will.  We were caught in a gale force storm, and had to huddle in the "owlry" with 200 other muggles until it blew over. Kooka was still young enough (and smart enough) to not care how she looked. Punk, on the other hand, immediately discarded his upon learning the threat of imminent hypothermia had passed.

And to add insult to injury - I got jumped by a dancing bush.  But this time it wasn't just the park cameras that caught me in all of my glory - it was the video crew from the Ellen show.  If you haven't seen it by now, I'll repost the link here. But suffice it to say - it was most hideous. This is how it went down:  Rico had been talking up the Jurassic Park ride, and nobody but he and I wanted to go - everyone else was scared (smart kids).  One of us had to stay with the kids, so he asks the attendant if there is a single rider line, so I won't have to wait for 80 minutes.  The attendant directs me to his left, where I begin walking down a jungley path.

If you see the video, you'll notice that I am looking down.  The reason for this, is because the last ride we went on had 5 lizards and one long-ass snake slithering across the path.  So the whole time, all am thinking is that this walk is a thousand times scarier than anything that could possibly be on the ride.

I was right.

So I am minding my own, snake-searching business, when all of the sudden my worst nightmare becomes reality. There is a loud hiss from my right and the lower part of the hedge starts moving.  My brain just keeps telling me "if that things on the ground, then you don't want to be" (hence the hysterical jumping).  After about 4 jumps I realize it's a dude, and simultaneously realize how ridiculous I must have looked. Then I start thinking about what a cool gig that guy has - that somebody actually paid him to scare the crap out me - I want a job like that.  So by this point I am equal parts terrified, laughing and jealous.

I am met at the end of the line by the film crew who asks me to sign a waiver (which I did - you're welcome).  They said they had been filming all day and hadn't seen a reaction quite like mine - that mine was the most athletic.  They asked if I could come to the show taping - but they couldn't let the kids on the set, so we didn't.  Regardless - apparently 12 seconds of my 15 minutes of fame have been spent.

The rest of the day was wet - but wonderful.  We spent time in Hogsmeade Village where we tasted pumpkin juice (much better than we imagined), treacle fudge, caldron cakes, shepherd's pie, roast turkey, and of course butterbeer (which was initially amazing, and soon turned into a tasteless version of overcarbonated cream soda - even Punk didn't finish his - which is saying something).

Yoda rode the Dr. Suess Carousel. We visited the Street of the Lifted Lorax (from one of Punk and Kooka's very favorite stories); rode the journey through Hogwarts (the lady escorted us right past the 90 minute wait line to the front thanks to Yoda); Punk and Rico rode Spiderman; Kooka choose a magic wand from Olivander's; we strolled through cartoon alley; ate dinner at The Three Broomsticks; went for a spin on Storm Force Acceleration - and finally headed home.

Day 4 was our day "off" and we were all looking forward to it.

Even Yoda had a butterbeer moustache.
cartoon alley

I've seen him walk a dog - it looks pretty much the same.
my killer green poncho
Kooka picks a wand, (She chose Neville's)




Punk at a Harry Potter shop
Moving walkway to the park was one of their favorite rides.
Kooka at the Lorax house.
Punk at the Street of the Lifted Lorax

4 comments:

Melanie said...

Two things:
1. it looks like you were keeping Yoda in a plastic shopping bag. I hope and assume you weren't; and
2. OMG are you ever funny. The hopping and the Oh, Oh, OH! thank you for signing the waiver and for posting it as I would have never seen the episode of Ellen.

j said...

You are right - it does look like a plastic bag - which is weird, because we usually keep her in paper - or one of those earth-friendly reusable ones.

(it's rico's poncho)

And you are welcome - I signed it mostly for you and treats - consider it and early Christmas gift.

Treats said...

I think it may be time to meet Melanie in person. Perhaps we could schedule a full screen viewing of the Dancing Bush and Jumping J. We have the technology in our house. We could serve up a few butterbeers and watch it over and over and over again!

Love the pic of Rico "walking" the dog. Maybe he'd be better suited with Miss Mayzee.

Melanie said...

Treats -I'm for it!

If we get bored watching J's humilation we can tune in to one of my City's newly televised City Council meetings on the web rebroadcast and watch me present boring planning cases in all my embarassing glory...