the good parts

 The good parts.

Yeah.

Right.

We were once accused of making cancer look easy. I think it was meant to be a compliment, but we didn't take it that way. In all honesty it's probably easier because we love each other so much, and we have the most supportive loving people who always reach out to help pick up our pieces. But nothing about this is easy.

There are moments of catatonic sadness every day; pure exhaustion because nobody in the world is on the same time schedule we are; tears; so many tears; desperate questions - what if Rico and Scrappy die at the same time? Worse yet - what if they don't and one of them is all alone waiting for the other?; hospital phone calls at 2 am and again at 6, and again at 8; banking - which he loves and I hate; household chores; filling the house with handrails, wheelchairs; and even more medications; finding strength to just buck up and get things done.

It's hard. Brutally hard. And the worst part is knowing that no matter what we do, eventually, the end result will be the same. 

Or will it?

Rico and I really believe that however we choose to play this out will affect all of us. It will affect him, and how he chooses to spend his precious time. It will affect me and how I am able to care for him, our kids and even myself at some point. It will most certainly affect our kids, who have already suffered the very real trauma of 4 summers of cancer care, and being told they will likely lose their dad at least as many times. This is not a drill. 

I've lived this. How we handle this matters. It matters a a lot.

So we are choosing to look for the good in life. We are choosing to see what makes this life beautiful and and sweet and worthwhile. Here are some of our beautiful moments this week:

A good friend of Rico's making morning treks to Mayo, so they can continue their early morning coffee tradition.

Food dropped off at our house twice. (Picky eater liking both meals was a bonus).

Kaia's birthday celebrated with her lifelong friends, chocolate cake and an overnight campout in our yard.

A shopping trip downtown with a new friend for Neeks.

Really nice people showing up to build a really nice wheelchair ramp for Rico.

Noah starting his new job at Americorps and realizing one of his jobs is to teach stop motion animation.

Nika talking about mental health on Coming Into Focus Podcast with her new friend Jay. Jay telling her that one of the reasons he started his podcast up again was so that he could interview her, because her bravery inspires him. 

Me getting to help Rico walk at physical therapy - knowing that I am going to get to bring him home tomorrow and love him and take care of him and snuggle him up for naps.

A friend's cancer surgery going well.

Nika's new haircut.

Bringing Rico jelly donuts in the hospital.

Leaning down to kiss him gooodbye and him saying "This. This right here is my most beautiful moment today. It's my most beautiful moment every day. Your love is my most beautiful moment."

He is always mine too.