sorry

Today there is another chest x-ray. Maybe PT will come in and see if they can get him to walk a bit. Yesterday there were some balance issues, today there is weakness in all of his limbs. They're running blood cultures for rare diseases - things carries by rabbits and ticks and goats that live in swamps.

For the first morning ever I am not with him. Yoda is being presented with an award in front of the whole school. Rico and I talked about it, and decided that I should be here this afternoon. We'll see what the evening holds.

I can't believe that this has been less than a week. In so many ways it seems like a lifetime ago. I know I look like a stoner. I walk into Target and my eyes are completely glazed over. I'm not even sure why I am there except that we are out of goldfish crackers and I am trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy in our house. I'm sorry if I don't look at you. If I do I will cry.

I cry every time I walk into his room. I cry every time I leave.  I don't think they are tears of fear. I'm not sure what they are. I just know that when they fall down my face the only feeling in my heart is love, and how right now I just can't seem to love him enough.